Neff, K. D. (2009). Self-Compassion. In M. R. Leary & R. H. Hoyle (Eds.), Handbook of 
      Individual Differences in Social Behavior (pp. 561-573). New York: Guilford Press. 
       
       
                       Self-Compassion 
                           
        His Holiness the Dalai Lama – “If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you 
                  want to be happy, practice compassion.” 
          
         Most people would probably agree that compassion is a virtue that should be cultivated.  
      The Dalai Lama is one of the best-known faces of compassion in modern times - a hero 
      worshipped by millions of people around the world for his caring, compassionate stance. In the 
      West, compassion is mainly conceptualized in terms of compassion for others.  As defined by 
      Webster’s online dictionary, compassion is “the humane quality of understanding the suffering 
      of others and wanting to do something about it.”  In Eastern traditions such as Buddhism, 
      however, it is considered equally important to offer compassion to the self (Brach, 2003; 
      Salzberg, 1997).  Recent research from a Western psychological perspective suggests that 
      individuals vary on the personality trait of self-compassion, and numerous studies suggest that 
      self-compassion is strongly linked to emotional well-being. 
         Neff (2003a, 2003b) has proposed that self-compassion involves three main components: 
      self-kindness versus self-judgment, a sense of common humanity versus isolation, and 
      mindfulness versus over-identification. These components combine and mutually interact to 
      create a self-compassionate frame of mind. Compassion can be extended towards the self when 
      one’s suffering is not one’s own fault – when the external circumstances of life are painful and 
      difficult to bear.  Self-compassion is equally relevant, however, when suffering stems from one’s 
      own foolish actions, failures, or personal inadequacies. Most people say they are less kind 
      toward and more harsh with themselves than they are with other people (Neff, 2003a). Self-
      compassionate individuals, however, say they are equally kind to themselves and others. 
         Self-kindness versus self-judgment.  Self-kindness refers to the tendency to be caring and 
      understanding with oneself rather than being harshly critical or judgmental.  When noticing some 
      disliked aspect of one’s personality, for example, the flaw is treated gently, and the emotional 
      tone of language used towards the self is soft and supportive.  Rather than attacking and berating 
      oneself for being inadequate, the self is offered warmth and unconditional acceptance (even 
      though the particular personality feature may be identified as problematic and in need of 
      change).  Similarly, when life circumstances are difficult and painful, instead of merely 
      “soldiering on” with an outward focus that tries to control or solve the problem, self-
      compassionate people turn inward to offer themselves soothing and comfort.  Importantly, self-
      compassion involves being moved by one’s own distress and so that the desire to heal and 
      ameliorate one’s suffering is experienced. 
         Common humanity versus isolation.  A sense of common humanity involves recognizing 
      that all humans are imperfect, that all people fail, make mistakes, and engage in unhealthy 
      behaviors. Self-compassion connects one’s own flawed condition to the shared human condition, 
      so that features of the self are considered from a broad, inclusive perspective.  In the same way, 
      life difficulties and struggles are framed in light of the shared human experience, so that one 
      feels connected to others when experiencing pain. Often, however, people feel isolated and cut 
      off from others when considering their personal flaws, as if the failing were an aberration not 
      shared by the rest of human-kind.  Similarly, people often fall into the trap of believing they are 
      the only ones struggling when they experience difficult life circumstances, and feel a sense of 
      isolation and separation from other people who are presumably leading “normal” happy lives.  
         Mindfulness versus over-identification.  Mindfulness involves being aware of present 
      moment experience in a clear and balanced manner (Brown & Ryan, 2003), so that one neither 
      ignores nor ruminates on disliked aspects of oneself or one’s life.  First, it is necessary to 
      recognize that one is suffering in order to be able to extend compassion towards the self.  While 
      it might seem that personal suffering is blindingly obvious, many people actually don’t pause to 
      acknowledge their own pain when they are busy judging themselves or coping with life’s 
      challenges. Mindfulness involves a sort of stepping out of oneself, taking a meta-perspective on 
      one’s own experience so that it can be considered with greater objectivity and perspective.  Thus, 
      mindfulness enables a type of self-to-self relating in which one aspect of the self can give 
      compassion to another aspect of the self. Mindfulness also prevents being swept up in and 
      carried away by the story-line of one’s own pain, a process that Neff (2003b) has term “over-
      identification.”  When caught up in this manner, one tends to ruminate and obsessively fixate on 
      negative self-relevant thoughts and emotions, so that the mental space needed to be self-
      compassionate is unavailable.   
         It should be noted that other conceptualizations of self-compassion exist in the literature.  
      Paul Gilbert views self-compassion through the lens of evolutionary psychology and especially 
      attachment theory.   Gilbert (1989, 2005) argues that self-compassion taps into an evolved 
      mammalian physiological system guiding attachment and care-giving behavior. When accessed 
      via external signals (other people’s behavior) or internal signals (self-directed thoughts and 
      emotions) of kindness and caring, individuals experience feelings of connectedness and soothing. 
      In contrast, self-criticism taps into the threat-focused physiological systems of social ranking, 
      which involve aggressive dominance and fearful submission (Gilbert, 1989; 2005). From this 
      perspective, self-compassion involves an interdependent set of motives and competencies that 
      relate to prototypic caring: Concern for individuals’ well-being, sensitivity to individuals’ 
      distress and needs, sympathy, distress tolerance, empathy, and non-judgment. These are called 
      the compassion circle, and are directed towards others or to the self. 
         There is ample research demonstrating the self-compassion is linked to mental health.  
      Much of this research has been conducted using the Self-Compassion Scale (Neff, 2003a), but 
      researchers are also starting to use mood inductions or therapeutic interventions as a means of 
      examining the impact of self-compassion on well-being (e.g., Gilbert & Proctor, 2006; Leary, 
      Tate, Adams, Allen, & Hancock, 2007).  In one of the first empirical studies to be conducted on 
      self-compassion, Neff (2003a) found that higher levels of self-compassion as measured by the 
      Self-Compassion Scale were associated with greater feelings of social connectedness and life 
      satisfaction, important elements of a meaningful life.  Greater self-compassion was also linked to 
      less anxiety and depression, which is explainable in part by the lessened self-criticism associated 
      with self-compassion.  However, a significant negative association between self-compassion, 
      anxiety and depression remained even after controlling for self-criticism, suggesting that the 
      soothing qualities of self-compassion have unique buffering effects. Self-compassion was found 
      to have a negative correlation with both rumination and thought suppression, which should be 
      expected given that self-compassion requires taking a balanced approach to one’s emotional 
      experience – so that one neither runs away with or from one’s feelings.  Self-compassion was 
      inversely associated with perfectionism, although self-compassionate individuals were just as 
      likely to hold high standards for themselves. This implies that when ideal standards are not met, 
      self-compassionate individuals remain psychologically resilient rather than berating themselves 
      or obsessively fixating on their failings.  The study found that self-compassion was moderately 
      correlated with self-esteem, but that self-compassion still predicted emotional well-being when